It's been awhile since I've left a blog, so I've decided to "update" my blogness.

Well, I just came back from one fantastic amazing Junior II Crowsnest Lake Bible Camp. What can I say? God is amazing.

It's hard to sum up one entire week. I had six amazing-hyper-loud girls and one awesome co-councilor. I watched as God molded friendships, open doors for healing and lead to the awareness of how broken people are and how much prayer is needed. I made new friends. I got proposed to for the third time. I got dunked in the lake. I stole the big light from Robbie during MI. God provided me engery when I had nothing left. God allowed me to be well for all of camp. He granted me patience when I know that they were beyond worn thin. God is amazing, I cannot describe how great He is. Beyond comprehension.

I'm preparing to leave for Belize and I honestly believe this is where God wants me. I'm scared, but so excited at the same time. What kind of adventures does Jesus have in store for me, how many lessons shall I learn? WOW...WHOA...and...AH.....PRAISE GOD!!!

Okay, I'm thinking I should sleep now....

God bless y'all!!!

~Andrea

 

 

 

 

I love the sun.

not just love the sun I LOVE the sun!

I like finding joy in simple things.

One is I love cruising down the highway with my music too loud and my windom complete down. Don't ask me why cause I do not know. I just love the feeling.

I love taking pictures. Especially random pictures, they are the best.

I love talking through movies. It makes everything all the more entertaining for me...and...usually just me. haha.

I love late night talks with my best friends. My most recent best friend to talk with at night is Evangeline, and it was so...lovely. It's even better when Byanka randomly opens her eyes and is like "I haven't talken to him sense then!" :)

I love little children, especially the little ones with big eyes that stare at you for no reason. Actually, just in general, I love little kids.

I love God. He never changes, He's always faithful, and He loves beyond comprehension.

Wow, I think I can once again say, I love life. :)

Thanks God.

It really sucks to be a perfectionist in life when we are all doomed to be imperfect.

 

I messed up again. I realize when I mess up, I retreat. In hopes that I can get things straightened out before I face the world again.

 

I don't like letting people in because I don't want them to see me mess up. I hate messing up. I hate hurting people. I'm scared. Lame.

 

I did that this past weekend and I feel stupid.

 

I like to tell people 'it's okay' or 'everyone messes up.' But I still hate it when I mess up. I have this fear inside of me that people won't accept me when I mess up. Oh dear.

 

I thought it would be appropiate to quote one of my favourite bands...Skillet

 

 

 

 

 

It's been awhile since I've blogged. I guess that's either a sign of busyness or lack of motivation. Possibly both?

Sometimes it seems that I never have time for the things I cherish the most. Maybe I just don't make time.

I laughed so hard that my side hurt tonight. It's been awhile since that has happened. As much as my side ached, it was such a great pain!

 

It doesn't take much to make my day, but it is the small wonders that never cease to amaze me.

A smile on a little child's face.

A kind jesture from a stranger.

A call from a friend.

Nice drivers on the road.

Random hugs.

Singing...

Haha, and random cars lights that pop out of the hood of the car when turned on.

What can I say? I'm a small town girl through 'n through.

 

O wonder.

Sometimes tears are needed to cleanse the heart from plague building from life's troubles.

Sometimes laughter is needed to provoke the joys boxed away in the back.

Sometimes mystery should be held tightly in your hand.

O wonder.

it seems to be the really small things in life that for a moment remind me of all the wonder things in this world.

 

The other day I could hear a little kid outside. (Walls are paper thin acouticwise) Anyways, this little boy has firery red hair and is about two years old. His older sister is mowing the lawn using a manual lawnmower. However, this little child would not settle for just watching. He insisted that he help. Underneath with his arms stretch up as far as he could, he would grap the side of the handle leading to the mower, and push along with his sister.  He did this for as much of the lawn that he could, with his sister help.

 

The other small thing I noticed yesterday, but then again today. I was driving home from school when a car passes me with a very small and white dog inside. Or should I say...half inside. This little curly fluffball had his front legs hanging out the side and is face straight into the wind. I was really cute.

 

I know many of you will not understand the significance of it all. But for a moment, and just a moment, life doesn't seem as dark, and depressing, and the same from day to day. Just plain boring. It's a moment to see the innocence of life enjoying the air they breath, and the event of being free of worry. Maybe it's why I like small dogs. Or why I'm in love with small children. They don't understand how cruel, stressful, or frustrating life can be. And with them, I can enter their world of make belief, into their world of mystery, and into their world a joy. It doesn't suprise when Jesus says we have to be like children.

 

Sigh....

I'm pretty sure all my friends have been around me long enough to realize that even though I'm excited about graduating, I'm also REALLY SCARED! It's just a wierd thought, I honestly didn't think the year 2007 would come and here it is. crazy. However, y'all can relax because Andrea's anxiety is slowly coming under control. I've started to really see the positives about grad.

 

1. well, the only way I got the car is because I'm on my way to graduating. I love that little car!

2. it means that I get a jean quilt from Mrs. Dunbar. it is so awesome and nice and has bits of material with hearts and "God loves you" on it!

3. seeing family. for my Okotoks grad, it looks as though ALL of my dad's siblings are going to be together and I get to see some from Vancouver!!!

4. Randie-Lynn promised to come, so its another excuse to see her.

5. I GET TO SEE HEATHER!!!

6. haha, I get to wear a dress...such a girl.

7. good bye high school and all your lameness

8. the close of another chapter, and the chance of a new beginning with God's guiding

9. I get to see Melynda and Evangeline at the same time and get to share a special moment with them. I miss you guys!

10. Through God's grace, I made it. I made it to grade 12, and it's only through God that I can look back and say, wow God Thanks! I made it.

i broke

inside around

my nerves scream of hipocracy

punishment

pain

punishment in pain

but hindered

pain i will not

hiding inside myself

no fakes smiles

i lost them last time

the fake smiles

are gone

i broke

you can't cope

and i can't deal

time for a break

time for penalty

time for space

time for intermission

time for God to take over

time to grow up

a missed chemical substance

allowed me to escape a life time away

living in illusion

years passed before i woke

but this way

i find another way to cope

another way to escape

Jesus i'm sick of hating

i don't want to hate myself anymore

i don't want to run around in this hamster wheel

i'm sick of being something i'm not

i'm sick of hating your creation

i'm sick of this anger burning me inside

i'm sick of this monster i feel like

Jesus.

i'm done

i'm broke

i'm here

i know You are too

i'm scared

don't leave me

please don't leave me

Jesus, help.

blessings round me

round and round

i see You never

You never give up on me.

 

 

 

living life step by step

failure pierces my soul

withdrawing from all

withdrawing

wishing to be forgotten

please just all forget

forget

forget.

but He doesn't.

and they won't.

forget.....

living life step by step

learning to let go of failures

forgive myself

forgiving

learning to leave my hipocracy

to learn again to be real

real

real.

He wouldn't let me fake

they love me

real......

living life step by step

He wouldn't let me go

and they didn't let go

so solid ground

living life step by step.

its icy green nails pierce my heart

infecting my actions

the red venom seeps from its thin pale lips

poisoning my love

what have I become?

what hideous metamorphisis has happened within me

what have I become?

 

its thorns pierce my eyes and cheeks

draining any care

saliva found all over my fingers

turning them to prickling scales to cause hurt

what have I become?

what hideous metamorphisis has happened within me

what have a I become?

 

where did this anger come from? it burns and destroys

what have I become?

what happened to the one who sought to care?

what have I become?

why can't I succeed to be a solid friend? only to push away

what have I become?

what hideous metamorphisis has happened with me

what have I become?

 

why do i find a rigid beating heart in my chest?

what so cold stung my soul to leave me as this

this

coldness, icy touch to myself

not even my flood of tears

not even in the gasping of warmth

has moved my heart

what happened

what's wrong with me

I'm left confused not understanding where I am

where I've gone

where I've been

sometimes it's like the walls are closing in

the light is flickering

oh God

I don't understand

though I feel like I'm left in the dark

I close my eyes to see Jesus

close my eyes to see Jesus

close my eyes....

oh Jesus....

I need you Jesus....

why?                    are we content with superficialness of North American riches?

 

 

          why? 

 

are we so complacent with shallowness and a false sense of a fragile comfort zone?

 

 

                happened to us?    we seek only to get along.......and ignore the truth.

 

 

Ignoring the truth.

 

 

Scared of the truth.   Horrified the truth will turn us into a constricted robots.

 

 

 

How deceived we are. The enemy has us bound to our ignorance, and fear of the

                             truth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                        The Truth        does not        seek to harm.

 

 

 

The Truth      wants

                

 

 

                                                                                                   to set you free.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today, I decided it was too nice to stay in the house. After I had done some shopping, I decided it was too nice to be in stores. That is how I ended up at Henderson Lake this after noon. I attempted to climb a tree, but after nearly slipping, I figured it wasn't worth it because I didn't have a spotter, and no one knew I was there, and I had left my cell phone in the car.  I walked around, killed a few mosiqutos, and then I came across a Canadian goose. All through Europe we were told how geese were used to be the guards. I have also heard that geese are one of the more violent animals. So I wondered if I could sit on the bench near it without being mauled.

Fortunately, the goose respected my sitting on the bench and therefore I am still all in one piece.

It was interesting to study the goose. I thought it was searching for bugs, but it was really eating grass. A couple times other geese would being honking and he would stretch his neck out far in order to see what was happening. At one point he wiggled his tail and I wondered if he was going to take off. Instead he just shook out his wings and put them back. I was stunned by the noise those wings made. I could hear the wieght of the wings as he placed them on his back with a 'thud'. It was quite impressive, and so amazing to be able to understand how heavy those wings must be.

Suddenly there was a huge amount of honking from the island. There were two geese fighting. It kind of reminded me of mountain goats when they found, only instead of horns, it was wings and beaks. It last awhile and I was wondering if one was going to fall over dead. Finally, one tried to escape to the water, but the other chased the fleating bird to the wather.  He then attack the leaving bird in the water and they flew behind the island. I couldn't figure out what the fuss was over, but as I left, I saw another bird lying down, right around the area the gees has been fighting.

Boys fighting over the girl?

Ya, probably just raging hormones.

The funny thing about this is that I had a dream about geese last night. And I could fly. It was wierd, but that's the second dream I had about flying...and I like them...because I like flying in my dreams.

Anyways, if you didn't know....Canadian geese eat grass.

 

well....I got home on Monday, but my body is just starting to adjust to Canada once again. Not like it ever was really "adjusted."

I'm sitting here in an atmosphere somewhat of life last year. Driving home from Molly's house past midnight after a typical visit of fun, girlyness (mostly on Andrea's part), conversation, debate, and prayer. Wow. God is good.

Life is such a roller coaster. It mainly has to do with Andrea's crazy emotions, but hey, it makes life exciting. Some days I get so discouraged though. It is as though I'm in a rut and cannot mentally deal with life. I get sick of caring it seems, which is terrible. Some days, I think Andrea needs to leave for a long time. I see what happens when that happens...and I think Andrea needs to leave. I know that I'm not quite done yet, or I would not still be here, but wow finding patience is not my talent.

I guess from my perspective, my works done, I'm not needed, I can't see anything else I could do....nothing.

Then why am I still here?

Only God knows.

oh Andrea has trouble trusting God.

Why does Andrea have to suck at life so much. I feel as though I only impact people negatively....

Why am I here?

Why am I not in Belize, in Edmonton, in a small isolated island from the rest of humanity?

Only God knows.

God knows best.

God is good.

and Andrea sucks at trusting Him. :P

oh, I'm glad He still loves me and won't give up on me.

 

~but I've got to come down from that mountain top to the people in the valley below, or they'll never know, that they can go, to the mountain of the Lord~

It has been such an interesting month in so many ways.

When festival was all over, my body just decided to quite. I felt as though I had no energy at all, that I could only lay in bed. It's not a fun feeling. Neither is the soreness in my throat right now.

I really don't feel anything right now. No sadness or happiness. I'm not excited but I'm not depressed. I'm just existing. It's a very strange feeling. Maybe it is just a part of growing up.

I think I'm trying to adjust to life as I think it may end up. So I have been doing my best not to think of certaint things. I wish I could talk to God more. I wish I could feel His presence right now.

Well, lately, I have watched my friends and seen very interesting things and have drawn some conclusions. I see that all of them want to get married one day. And I have no opinion really. Sure it'd be nice to get married, but hey, I'm not going to die if I don't. Now I'm going to rattle on, please no one be offended...I think I just need to write this all out.  Cause I used to think that nothing should be before God, so if I felt I needed to be married, it became that I was going to do something my way. And I was hit with the fear that God might ask me to be single, and if I wanted to be married, it would really suck, so I better make sure that I was ready for anything God wanted. Which meant that I needed to be okay with only God, and only God for the rest of my life. haha, now I find myself in such an ironic situation. After fighting the thought for so long, I came to the conclusion that I probably would end up married...and it was like whatever. But now, I don't care. it's so weird. Everyone is like "good for you" but I really don't think anyone understands how weird it is to actually be like "I'm going to be single for the rest of my life." trying telling yourself that...it can be really wierd. But hey maybe not! God has a sense of humour and that is what makes life so much fun :)

anyways, now that I'm done that little rant, I think I will head to bed.

God bless y'all

 

the end to a good day.

though, it wouldn't be what many would classify as a good day. it's not like I was extra hyper or lacked schoolwork or anything actually.

it was a good day because I got ahead in my Social.

it was a good day because I saw friends.

it was a good day become I got cappocino (I can't spell)

it was a good day because I can't spell....haha

it was a good day because I was reminded of the many friends God has bless me with.

it was a good day because I got to sing...a whole lot

it was a good day because I got to praise God, and for the first time in a long time...I could praise Him without distractions, my mind rested...and I could praise Him.

it was a good day because I got to pray for people I love.

it was a good day because I got to pray

it was a good day because I could get people to laugh

it was a good day just because God is so cool...and never ceases to amaze me.

it was a good day.

oh dear I'm beginning to feel sick.

my body is yelling at me "ANDREA STOP!!!"

ya, one of the lamest things though is when it is time to rest, my mind usually kicks in telling me all the things that I could be doing. I always feel as though there is something I need to do, or say, or get, or start. AH! it's sad.

o well. I'm done social and art for the day. so a early night sounds great!

woot for growing up.

yay for a dynamic life!

haha...you may find me strange, but I'm not even kidding.

life would be so boring if it wasn't dynamic. though I must say these past few days haven't been my ut-most favs...but they have been growing times. it just sometimes sucks...cause it's like "whoa, I think I'm back on track!" and then "why can't I do this all the time" *find random door to knock on* "hello anyone there?"

okay, I'm done. I'm tired, what can I say.

Max Lucado...very good author. amazing actually. but it's cause he's heart for God...and wow does he make you think.

Thankyou God for my brother Max Lucado...

Thankyou God for you...that you never leave...wow...you are cool :)

woot for being done Crowsnest Pass Music Festival!!! it was fun, got down once...but that's only because andrea's head was on wrong. but now, it's better, I'm better, and singing is fun.

anywho...night y'all hope you are enjoying or at least getting through your dynamic life!!!

 

I reallly love tea. Seriously, it's even better than coffee. Espcially since we found this Good Earth tea. Haha...now ever time we go to the states me and my family stock up:).

1 song down....5 more to go.

I got 85% on my Social test!!! woot! so much nicer than my 60% of my first test. mhm...much happier about it.

my little brother broke his arm. crazy skier. now he has a blue cast on. oh fun stuff for him. though it's taking him a whole lot longer to actually accept that he's stuck with that cast for about four weeks. poor kid.

so the other day, I was watching Othello. But jus the end of it. It is one of Shakesphere's tragdies. Ya, most of the people died. Othello suffocated his wife because he thought she was unfaithful. Then the maid find them and freaks out. All the people come in...the maid is killed by her husband because she tells the truth about him and hi dumb schemes. Then the bad guy is stabbed. Then Othello realizes what he has done...and kills himself. the bad guy eventually dies from lack of blood. The moral of the story? Husbands, talk with your wives and believe them. Girls, don't marry a man who won't trust you...you might end up dead. Oh yes...and don't marry a bad guy...cause same as before you might end up dead. Yep, in a nutshell, if you have mistrust in your marriage...beware of death!

anyways, I think I shall have a nap because I am sleepy.

God bless y'all!!!!

to be safe

no where

no where to be safe

isolation everywhere

in a crowded place

I want to escape

to run away from all this disgusting filth

in my life

I want to be safe

but I'm not

no arms

no heart

no physical touch

no tender spoken words

no

I'm not safe

to be safe

would to take breath away

to be safe

in heaven

in my Saviour's arms